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donteattheappleshook · 4 years ago

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She Came From the Water 14/?

Summary:

Between his dissatisfying job, a constant battle to keep seeing his daughter, and a history of mistakes, losses, and broken dreams, Killian Jones has no place for magic in his life. But when he pulls in his fishing nets one evening only to find a woman caught in them, his life becomes infinitely more complicated. Is she a siren, a selkie, like his daughter believes, or just another lost soul like himself? Suddenly, his life is a thing of fairytales; beautiful women hidden away in cottages, selkie husbands coming back to claim them, and, just maybe, a chance at happily ever after.

A Captain Swan AU based on the film Ondine (2009) for the @captainswanmoviemarathon

Rated M.

Read it on Ao3 or Tumblr 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

Huge thank you to @ultraluckycatnd for being a fantastic and patient beta. This fic is now twice as long as it was supposed to be and you’ve been stuck with me a whole year! Love and appreciate all the help taming this beast <3

Another huge thank you to @elizabeethan @the-darkdragonfly and @xhookswenchx for putting up with my unending neediness with this fic.

Sorry this update is so late! I moved last weekend so it was one week of packing and one week of unpacking. Hopefully it's worth the wait even if you wanna murder me after 😊

***

Part 14

The relief that washes over Killian when the doctor declares that Alice is fine, apart from a sore throat and a slight chill, is overwhelming. It takes everything he has not to collapse on the spot and break down into a mess of tears as the anxiety and the fear that had taken hold of him rush from his bones, leaving him weak and weary. But he can’t let Alice see him like that, not after what she just went through, not after how terrified she must be. He’s her father and he needs to be strong for her, even if that means faking it.

A nurse brings in a wheelchair and Alice grumbles in protest when she’s told she has to take it out of the hospital. ‘It’s hospital policy, sweetie, and just a few feet to the door.’ She leaves them so that Alice can change into the dry clothes they found for her that were brought in with the chair. She grumbles at them too, complaining they’re too scratchy as Killian helps her pull the wool sweater over her head. He doesn’t care, she can grumble all she wants. She’s safe and she’s dry and she’s alive. Nothing else matters to him right now.

“This is stupid,” she says when she sits in the wheelchair and Killian folds the hospital gown and sets it on the exam table. “I’m fine. I wasn’t really in danger,” she insists and he sucks in a breath, unsure as to whether to tackle the conversation about Swan not being a selkie despite the fact that she saved her life just now. He decides that tomorrow is better, after they’ve both had a good night’s sleep and his hands have hopefully stopped shaking.

“It’s not that bad, love,” he tells her, trying to pull her from her grumpy mood. He grabs hold of the handlebars and wheels her around in a circle before tipping the chair back, grinning down at her as she lets out an excited laugh. “See? It does tricks!”

David is in the waiting room when they arrive. He stands quickly, rushing to their side and Killian doesn’t even let him voice the question before he assures him that Alice is alright. David’s relief rivals his own and he’s reminded again of how lucky his daughter is to have him and Mary Margaret in her life - how lucky he is to have them in his life.

“Where’s Swan?” Alice asks and David says he doesn’t know, she wasn’t here when he arrived. Killian frowns; he doesn’t see her either and, as it always does, that threat of anxiety, of loss, begins to float into his chest and fill his lungs.

He takes a deep breath, trying to keep his fears at bay. She’d promised to stay. She wants to stay. How many times has she asked him to stop doubting that? But after today… What if it was too much? Between all the people and the argument with Alice and almost losing her - No. She wouldn’t just leave. She wouldn’t do that to him, to them.

Just as he’s finished reminding himself, Swan rounds the corner from a hallway that leads deeper into the hospital and he breathes a sigh of relief as a smile pulls his lips at the sight of her. But then he notices the man she walks with. He can only see the back of his head as he turns to speak to Swan but there’s something familiar about him.

He can’t make out the expression on her face as she answers, every inch of her guarded, arms crossed tightly around her chest, the line of her shoulders straight and hard. She stops, says something else to the man and he hesitates, but then nods before heading out to the parking lot. She watches him leave, gaze fixed on the door long after he’s gone.

Something wary and cold trickles over his neck as she finally turns to face him, apprehension settling into his skin, sinking deep and leaving him on edge as he reads the steely hardness in her eyes even from across the room. In the brief moment of hesitation before she sighs out a breath and comes to join them, his heart stops completely.

“Who was that?” he asks when she’s close enough.

“Nobody. He was lost.” She hardly looks at him, glancing up through her lashes before she crouches down in front of Alice. Tears brim her eyes as she traces a hand over her cheek, tucks her hair back behind her ear, brushes over her shoulder before squeezing her arm. “You’re okay?” she asks, voice cracking as one tear breaks down her cheek.

Alice looks taken aback by the sight of her friend so clearly shaken. She reaches out a hand to wipe away her tear with her thumb as he’s done for her so many times and nods. Swan pulls the girl into her arms, squeezing tight and whispering in her ear, ‘Never do that again.’ Alice nods once more, her face solemn. Never do what again?

She stands then, wiping away her own tears and shaking her head. She looks at him finally but before he can ask what she was talking about, he’s interrupted by Eloise shouting as she bursts through the doors.

“Where is she? What did you do?” she demands, her words slurred and her steps unsteady despite the fierceness as she strides towards him. “Idiot!” she shouts, brushing past Swan and Alice and slamming both her hands into his chest, knocking him back a step. “Can’t even keep her for one bloody day without her ending up in the hospital? I can’t get one night off without getting a call because you fucked up? Useless!”

Her words hit harder than her blows as she pushes him again and again until he has nowhere else to go, his back colliding with the wall. He can hear Alice yelling at her to stop, sees David rush over to get between them and make her back off, but it all falls on deaf ears, her accusations echoing through him, resonating and taking hold. She’s right. One day. He had her for one day and she nearly died. Because he wasn’t paying attention.

“Come on,” she snaps, finally pushed back enough by David that she can’t land another blow, and reaches for Alice. Alice squirms away, trying to hang onto Swan who had kneeled down beside her and taken hold of her hand, but Eloise manages to grab hold of her wrist, wrenching her out of the chair despite the girl’s protests. “Get in the car. You’re coming home with me,” she says as she makes her way unsteadily towards the door.

Something inside Killian registers her words, the danger that she’s about to put his daughter in, and he dashes across the room, putting himself between her and the exit. “Eloise, stop. You’re not taking her anywhere like this.”

“And who’s gonna stop me? You?” she threatens. “I’m her mother. I’m her guardian. I’m her emergency contact. You’re just the mistake I made who won’t go away.”

“Eloise,” David steps in then. “Let’s not make this more difficult than it has to be,” he says. Killian doesn’t miss the way he casually brushes his jacket back, his badge displayed clearly on his hip. “This isn’t your weekend. Killian has custody tonight and you’re in no fit state to drive anyone anywhere. Don’t make me arrest you for endangerment.”

Eloise glares at him and then at Killian. “Look at you with powerful people in your pocket,” she mocks before dropping Alice’s wrist. Alice runs to Killian’s side, clinging to his shirt as she presses herself against his leg. He places a protective hand on her shoulder, holding her close. “Well, you’re not the only one,” she threatens. “Remember that.”

“I still can’t let you drive home,” David reminds her, halting her with a hand on her shoulder which she roughly brushes off.

“I’ll see her home,” a voice says calmly across the room and Killian’s blood goes cold at the sight of Gold standing casually by the entrance. He hadn’t even seen him come in, though he supposes he shouldn’t be surprised that the two of them came together. David considers him a moment before nodding.

“Get in the car, Eloise,” Gold tells her and while his voice maintains that eerie calm it always does, Killian knows there’s no room for argument, and so does she. She casts one last glare at Killian and then makes her way out toward the parking lot.

As he’s leaving, Gold pauses, turns back. “Killian,” he says and Killian straightens, his hand tightening on Alice’s shoulder. The Crocodile glances down pointedly at his daughter and then back up at him. “My offer still stands, should you ever feel like coming back.”

Killian’s breath is unsteady. From what Eloise tells me, you hardly ever see the girl. We could do something about that. He hates himself for considering it, for the temptation of some way of guaranteeing he could get his daughter back, that he could get her out of Eloise’s house. He wonders if he could pay the price, if it would be worth it to give Alice a better life.

But he knows he can’t. No matter how desperate he is, he could never become the man he used to be and still let himself be in his daughter’s life. He doesn't want any part of who he was, any part of that life to touch her. And knowing that Gold may be around now, that he could be in Eloise’s home while his daughter is there… It makes him sick.

But if David hadn’t been there today, if he hadn’t stopped her, he knows he would have been powerless to stop Eloise from taking Alice from him - from driving intoxicated with his daughter in the car. He’s known her to do a great many selfish and awful things in her life, but never that. And now that she has, he can’t do nothing anymore, can’t let his own self loathing get in the way of keeping Alice as safe as he can.

He turns to David who’s watching him with concern, like he’s just as afraid of him taking Gold’s deal as he was. Killian looks down at Alice still clutching his side, settles a hand on her head and lets his fingers comb over the soft strands of her hair.

“Call Nemo,” he says, meeting David’s shocked expression. “See if he’s still willing to help.”

***

David drives them back to the cottage, the ride feeling long and quiet with only the dull hum of the radio that becomes more static than music the closer they get to home.. Alice is curled up in the backseat with her head resting in Swan’s lap as she dozes off, rocked by the rumble of the truck and exhausted by the events of the day.

Killian watches them in the rear-view mirror, unable to keep his eyes from drifting to the woman who sits behind him. He can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong. Her fingers comb gently and steadily through Alice’s hair but her gaze is fixed out the window, far away and aloof in a way he’s never seen her before.

When Alice shifts she looks down, freezing for a moment like she’s afraid to wake her, but when the girl settles she resumes her soothing strokes, watching her for a long, long while. When Swan’s gaze turns back to the window, Killian can see the shine of tears, wet in her eyes, reflected in the moonlight that pours in.

His heart clenches in his chest, trying to convince himself that it’s fear or maybe even guilt over what happened with Alice today - his own hands haven’t stopped shaking. But he’s never been very good at lying to himself, and he can’t stop seeing that man in the hospital, can’t stop the thought that it could have been the same man from the diner - if only he’d managed to see his face…

The truck slows to a stop, tires crunching on the gravel and dirt at the end of the walkway. Killian steps out and makes his way around to the back, opening the door on Alice’s side. He catches Swan’s eye as he climbs up into the back seat. She looks almost surprised to see him there. Her eyes are dry now and he tries to read her gaze, searching and imploring her to tell him what’s wrong. But it remains distant and closed off. She’s miles away, even when she’s close enough to touch.

“Are you alright?” he asks finally, hoping she’ll tell him the truth even though he knows she won’t. After a moment she offers him a small smile, forced and stiff, and nods. And he aches. He longs to reach out to her, to hold her and comfort her and rid her of whatever it is that’s come between them, to find her wherever she’s buried herself so deep inside that he can’t see her anymore. But Alice stirs again and draws her gaze from his.

Killian gathers his daughter in his arms, appreciating the weight and the warmth of her pressed to his side as he lifts her from the truck. Every breath against the crook of his neck, her head loling sleepily against his shoulder, is a reminder that she’s alive, that she’s safe. He came so close to losing her - twice in one day. And now… he watches Swan hop down from the truck, Alice’s backpack slung over her shoulder, and he wonders if he’s losing her now instead.

He yearns for that feeling that had consumed him today on the water, the hope and the belief that they could really have this, the three of them together and happy - a family. He remembers how reassured he’d felt after last night, after she’d forgiven him and said she loved him. How many times has she begged him to stop waiting for her to leave? And now that he finally has, he wishes he hadn’t. Then maybe some part of him would still be ready, be prepared for this. Maybe it wouldn’t destroy him quite so completely.

“Mary Margaret brought your boat back,” David informs him as he turns to say his goodbyes. “She says she left the keys on the table and locked up.”

Killian nods, feeling numb, exhausted. “Tell her thank you for me,” he says. “And thank you, for everything today - for Eloise…”

David shakes his head. “Don’t mention it. I’ll call Nemo in the morning,” he promises and Killian feels his back straighten even now at the mention of the man’s name. But he’d agreed. He has to do this; if he wants any chance of keeping Alice from her mother he needs to swallow his pride and his loathing for the man he was and let Nemo help him. David frowns at him then. “Are you sure you’re okay? You know you’re all welcome to stay with us tonight. Mary Margaret cooked and we have plenty of room.”

Killian shakes his head. “I think we all just need to get some sleep,” he tells him, despite the fact that it’s barely eight o’clock. As if to make his point, Alice lets out a pathetic little sleepy sound and wraps her arms around his neck. He rubs a hand soothingly over her back and casts a glance at where Swan hovers a little ways up the walk. Her gaze is fixed on the sea, the dark surface glittering where the waves catch the moonlight, reminding him of her tears in the car and his anxiety seizes him again.

Once David has driven off, Killian carries Alice into the house, his heart swelling a little with hope when Swan waits for them, her hand reaching up to brush the little girl’s hair out of her face. They make their way inside and she finds a blanket and a pillow for the cot their friend brought over yesterday. He nods his thanks and sets Alice carefully down on the mattress, pulling her shoes and jacket off before tucking her in. The poor thing is exhausted and he presses a kiss to her forehead but can’t bring himself to leave her just yet.

Swan must have the same idea, crouching down by her head, arms folded on the blanket, watching her sleep. “Is she really alright?” she asks, voice hushed, turning wide, uncertain eyes on him and he lets out a heavy breath, tempted to find relief in the thought that she really may just have been worried about Alice all along.

“Aye,” he promises, kneeling down beside her and brushing her hair behind her ear as she’d done for Alice. His fingers sink into the curls at the back of her neck, thumb brushing along her cheek and she leans into his touch. “Because of you, Swan. You saved her,” he whispers. His voice catches in his throat, remembering the moment when they’d both been under, when he’d been unable to do anything but stare at the unending blackness and pray to whoever might be listening that he get them both back. “Thank you.” He barely manages to get the words out.

Swan shakes her head. “No.” She looks at Alice for a long while, the crease in her brow deepening with each passing second. “It’s my fault.” Her voice is so quiet in the still of the room that he can barely hear it over the sleeping girl’s steady breathing. “She wouldn’t have been in any danger if it wasn’t for me. It’s my fault. Me and my stupid stories. I’m the reason she almost died, that we - that you almost lost her.”

“What are you talking about, Swan?” A moment passes and then it dawns on him. The way they’d argued right before she fell. The way Swan had held Alice so tightly. Never do that again. Killian looks at his daughter. “She didn’t fall in, did she?” Swan shakes her head, confirming his suspicions as tears roll freely down her face. He tries to soothe her but she won’t let him, turning away from his touch and crossing the room. He follows her, refusing to let her run from him, to let her hide. “They weren’t your stories, love. They were hers,” he reminds her.

“I should never have let her believe them.”

“She’s a child. And she’s Alice. She’d have believed them no matter what.” Swan shakes her head. “We’ll explain it to her,” he promises, coming closer and reaching out carefully, relieved when she doesn’t pull away, when she lets him envelop her in his arms, holding her close. Her fingers clench in the fabric of his shirt, wet cheek pressed to his neck.

“I need to keep her safe,” she says so quietly he’s not sure it was meant for him, but he caresses the back of her hair regardless, presses his lips to her temple.

“You will,” he promises. “We both will.” And while she nods against his shoulder, Killian can’t shake the feeling that she doesn’t believe him.

***

They make dinner quietly, setting plates and cups down carefully on the table so as not to wake Alice, speaking in hushed tones, heads bent close and for a moment, Killian feels like things are going back to normal - or whatever semblance of normal they had fallen into. But every time a smile pulls at her lips, every time she leans in closer to him, she catches herself, stops herself, pulls back, bites her lip, that wall slamming back up.

“Swan,” he starts finally, unable to take the distance anymore and placing a hand over hers on the table. “What’s going on?” She’s sitting right next to him, the corner of the table the only thing between them and still he can’t reach her, can’t cross the distance to her. She doesn’t answer for a while, only stares at their hands before looking up at him with another one of those smiles he doesn’t believe.

“Nothing.”

“Who was that man in the hospital?”

“No one.”

“Swan…”

“Please stop asking,” she says then, taking him by surprise.

“Why?”

“Because I can’t -” She doesn’t finish the sentence, doesn’t tell him what she can’t do. Can’t talk about it? Can’t tell him? Or worse, can’t trust him? He nearly gives in, nearly lets her push him away, but then he remembers the way she’d confronted him last night, the way she hadn’t let him hide from her.

“Swan,” he says, squeezing her hand and nearly sighing in relief when she doesn’t pull away. “I love you. You can tell me.” She meets his eyes then and he’s nearly knocked back by the emotion that weighs heavy in hers.

She shakes her head and in that small gesture he sees so much of the doubt and the hopelessness he’s carried for years reflected in her eyes. And it kills him. “Killian…” she starts, but he doesn’t let her finish.

“I love you,” he says again and even as she casts her gaze to the floor he can see the tears threatening to fall before she squeezes her eyes shut. “Nothing’s going to change that.” He tugs on her hand, pulls it from the table and presses it to his chest, imploring her when she finally looks at him. “Talk to me,” he begs, adding a desperate ‘please’ when she doesn’t.

Not giving him a chance to say anything more, she leans across the space between them and presses her lips to his, the hand on his chest fisting in his shirt. There’s a desperation in the way she kisses him, in the way her fingers twist against his heart. He pulls back a breath, searching her face for whatever’s brought this on, but she follows him, kissing him again and cutting off his question.

“Please,” she says, when he breaks away once more, his name on her lips. Her fingers slip into his hair, her forehead leaning against his as she breathes in the air between them. “I don’t want to talk.” He tilts his head to look at her, to read the pleading and the need for comfort so plainly written across her features and his whole body nearly lurches with the instinct to give her whatever she needs, whatever he can to make this better. They can talk later.

He kisses her, slow and careful and he feels the sigh of relief she breathes into his mouth, the way she melts against him even as she tries to pull him closer. He lets her, for a moment, before he stops and casts a pointed look at where Alice sleeps across the room. She follows his gaze and relaxes her grip on him slightly.

Killian stands, taking her hand and leading her to the bedroom, shutting and locking the door after one last check that Alice is sound asleep. When he turns back to Swan she’s waiting for him, hesitant and nervous and she looks so small and helpless in this moment, unlike the strong, steadfast woman he’d come to love. Whatever happened to make her feel this way, to make her doubt herself, doubt them, whatever monsters have come their way, he’d face them all to bring her back.

But he can’t right now, not if she won’t tell him what they are. Right now, all he can do is give her what she needs, whatever it is she asks of him to chase her fears away, to make her feel safe. He cards his fingers through the hair at her temples, her eyes shutting at the caress, and cups her face in his hands, stroking her cheek in that same gentle way she’s stroked the lines of his face so many times.

When her eyes open again he leans in and captures her lips in a deep kiss, pouring everything she won’t let him say, all the reassurance he can into the press of his mouth against hers. Her hands circle his wrists, keeping him there, hanging on even as he feels her lip tremble against his own, tastes the salt of her tears on his tongue.

“I love you,” he says again when they break apart, breath heavy against his lips.

“I know,” she says, fingers tightening around his wrists.

“Nothing could ever change that,” he promises, hoping that despite not being ready to talk about it yet, she knows that at least.

He feels her nod, feels the wetness under his thumbs on her cheeks. “I know.”

She leans up on her toes until she can close the space between them, lips finding his own, tongue seeking his with a slow, restrained sort of desperation. He feels like she wants to consume him, let them catch fire as they always do together, but not in an inferno, in a slow burn that will last, that will keep them warm all night, even when the last embers have faded.

Killian recognizes the need, remembers being the one who kissed her like this, who touched her like this, savoring every moment like it could be the last. He fights against the voice in his head that tells him that, just like he’d been, she’s looking for something she can hold onto, that she can keep with her even after she’s gone.

He backs her toward the bed, letting her pull his sweater up over his head and drop it to the floor, his own hands reaching for the hem of the scrubs they’d given her at the hospital. They rid each other of the rest of their clothes quickly and unceremoniously, each in a hurry to feel the heat of the other’s skin pressed against their own.

His hands wander the length of her back as her own trail over his chest, exploring dips and curves and sensitive spots he’s already memorized, and finding new ones along the way. When the back of her legs reach the bed she falls back onto it, pulling him along by the chain at his neck. She pauses when he lands above her, attention drawn by the little swan pendant, a strange frown pinching her brow as she presses it to his chest, traces the lines of it carefully.

“What is it?” he asks, concerned by how bothered she suddenly seems by the necklace. He wonders briefly if she’s changed her mind about giving it to him, if she wants it back, if she’s remembered something about it, and considers yanking the damn thing off his neck if only to sooth the line that’s drawn between her brows.

“Nothing,” she says again, the only answer he seems to be able to pull from her tonight. Shaking her head and drawing him down over her once more, she kisses him until he’s too consumed by her to push any further. Their movements grow frantic, their touches desperate and he can sense the change in her mood, the need that burns through her and he throws himself on the pire, ready to burn with her.

His mouth finds her throat, hand trailing over her breast to her hip, sliding between them and finding her drenched against his fingers. He curses into her skin, the desire to just take, to slide inside her and make her cry out his name until she never wants to leave his side again, to claim her as his own, is overwhelming. But he restrains himself. She’d clung to him for comfort, to help sooth whatever war is raging within her, and so he waits for her to tell him what she needs.

Her back arches, mouth falling open in a choked gasp before she catches her lip between her teeth, muffling her cries as he slides two fingers into her, working her sensitive peak with his thumb. She clings to him, urging his mouth back to her own as she rides his hand, hips rolling with every thrust of his fingers.

He can feel her trembling already, knows she’s close despite having barely touched her. He knew from the way she’d kissed him, the way she’d pawed at him that she wouldn’t last long. But her hand catches his wrist, stalling his movements and pushing it away. He’s confused only for a moment before she reaches for him again, pulling him into the cradle of her thighs and wrapping her fingers around his length, drawing him to her.

He doesn’t make her wait, pushing into her in one firm, solid stroke, pulling a filthy, wanton sound from her that sends his blood racing. She catches hold of his cheek, leading his gaze to meet her own, her eyes clouded with lust and pleasure but still there’s that intensity that’s always been there, the softness that he knows now for what it is.

“I love you,” she tells him, and he knows it’s the truth. Regardless of whatever’s passed between them today, whatever will pass between them, he doesn’t doubt that anymore.

He leans down, pressing his forehead to hers as he begins to move in her, and her fingers slide around to the back of his neck, her other hand dragging up his back to clutch at his shoulder. With every thrust of his hips her grip on him tightens, her own hips rising to meet him, like she’s afraid to let him go, to lose the press of his skin on hers for even a second.

Her nails dig into his skin until it becomes near painful, her eyes squeezed shut, brow pinched tight and even through his pleasure, his concern for her, his love for her wins out. Killian reaches for the hand at the nape of his neck, bringing it to his lips and pressing a kiss to her wrist, entwining his fingers with hers when she finally opens her eyes. Giving her a soft smile, he presses another to her knuckles before settling their hands on the mattress above her head.

Her fingers curl around his as he leans down to kiss her slowly, setting a pace with the rocking of his hips. Gradually, her nails release their biting grip on his shoulder, her fingers sliding down the length of his back to settle at his hip. She still clings to him, still makes sure he’s there, but relents enough to let him make love to her rather than just fuck her fears away as they’d been doing a moment ago.

Killian’s hand slides over her breast, the weight of it perfect as she arches into his palm, her whimpers swallowed by his greedy mouth. He trails his fingers lower, hooking under her thigh and spreading her wider for him, her nails biting again when he reaches deeper, hips grinding into her own with every thrust.

He can feel her trembling around him, writhing as she races toward her climax, and while he can’t hear her sing this time, he can make certain she sees stars. She comes with a shudder, mouth open and silent against his as she swallows a desperate lungful of air, breaking the surface after drowning in him. He follows after her, driven to his own release by the pure rapture that plays across her face, by the barely whispered echo of his name on her lips.

When he’s returned to himself enough to realise he’s likely crushing her, having wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her tightly to him, burying his face in her neck as he climaxed, he loosens his grip, shifting off her and onto his back.

She doesn’t let him go far, curling into his chest, arm vice like around his waist as her leg hooks over his and he wonders where she could possibly think he might be going, what could ever possess him to leave her.

But he simply cradles her against him and presses his lips to the crown of her head. He can feel the tears hot and wet against his chest but he doesn’t ask, not this time. She doesn’t want to talk. So he holds her closer, kisses her again, trails his fingers soothingly over her slowly cooling skin.

After a long while, he releases her regretfully. She looks up in confusion and Killian’s ears burn. He reaches up to try and rub away the red he’s sure is there. “I just need to put pants on,” he explains. “Alice might have nightmares after today...”

Her face softens. “Of course,” she agrees, standing to grab the undershirt he’d been wearing earlier and pulling it over her head. “You can leave the door open if you want,” Swan tells him and he offers her a thankful smile. He’s never shut his door to Alice before.

Killian puts on his pyjama pants before picking their clothes up off the floor, not wanting to get a lecture from Alice about how she’s expected to pick up after herself and he’s not. Unlocking and opening the door a crack, he fishes his phone out of his jeans pocket when he hears it vibrate. The message on the screen makes his heart stop for a moment and then pound painfully against his ribs.

“What is it?” Swan asks and he sits on the bed next to her, unable to draw his eyes from the text.

“It’s David…” he says, unsure how to even begin to explain what this means. “Nemo’s going to testify - he’s going to say he made a mistake.”

“Nemo? The Coast Guard?”

He nods, the air leaves his lungs in a whoosh. The reality of how huge this is finally dawning on him as he realises how much this could change. “Aye. He was the one… he was the one who turned me in, the reason I went to jail.”

“I thought you didn’t hurt him,” she says, frowning in confusion and he shakes his head.

“I didn’t land any blows that night but I may as well have.” He swallows against the bile in his throat at the memory of Starkey and Mullins beating the older man bloody. It’s so vivid in his mind even nearly a decade later. “I watched it all happen. I didn’t stop them. They tossed him on the docks after that, left him to die hoping maybe he’d even fall in and drown.”

“But he named you? Because he knew you?” she asks, clearly remembering he’d worked with Liam.

Killian shakes his head. “After they left him there… I didn’t… I couldn’t just -” he cuts himself off, letting his face fall into his hands for a moment, rubbing at his eyes. “I couldn’t just leave him like that.” She places a hand on his arm but doesn’t say anything, letting him finish. He'd heard Liam’s voice that night. Maybe it had been the guilt or maybe even his own darkness had a limit, but he'd looked at the man broken and dying and he'd heard what Liam would think of him if he did nothing - what he would think of himself. And for the first time since his brother's death, it mattered.

“I put him in my car and drove him to the hospital,” he says, remembering the weight of the half conscious man barely able to hold himself up, the strain on his shoulders as they crossed the docks. “I shouldn’t have been bloody driving anywhere,” he admits, hating how reckless he’d been, how much rum he’d had before heading out that night. “I was just going to drop him at the doors and leave him but…”

“You stayed, didn’t you?”

He nods. He’d sat in that damn emergency room for hours until finally a nurse had told him that Nemo would live, that he’d asked to see him. He’d nearly run then, but something about him - maybe it was how much he reminded Killian of Liam - had made him go to that hospital room and face him, even if he couldn’t look him in the eye.

“An injury like that, they have to call the police. He named me and my history in town was bad enough that there was barely a trial.”

“What?” she demands and he’s unsure which part she’s outraged at.

“He remembered me,” he tells her. “Remembered Liam too. Right before the police arrived he told me this wasn’t who I was. He could see how lost to the drink I was by that point. He said I just needed a chance to start over, to get clean and find the man I wanted to be again. I didn’t understand what he meant then, I hated him for it too. But I came out of there eight months later, sober for the first time in years, and I had Alice.”

“He sent you to jail to teach you a lesson?” she demands. He nods. “But you weren’t guilty,” she insists.

“I was plenty guilty, Swan,” he says. “There had been so many others before him. I deserved what I got.” She wraps her arms around him, resting her chin on his shoulder and he leans into her touch. “I didn’t want to be acquitted, for him to take back his witness testimony. I didn’t want every awful thing I’ve done to be dismissed for one half decent deed.” If he could even call it that. It had been guilt more than anything that had driven him to do something that night.

“But now?”

“Now that sentence is the only thing keeping me from Alice. Whatever Eloise does, it’s not as bad as being a convict. Even if they take her away from her mother, they wouldn’t give her to me. Eloise has no family and my father's been in and out of prison more times than I can count. I'd rather Alice never meet him." He sighs, the reality weighing heavy on his shoulders. "She’d go into foster care.”

Swan sucks in a sharp breath, her arms tightening around him fractionally. She reaches for his jaw, turns his face to hers. “You’re doing the right thing,” she promises and a lump forms in his throat. “If you do this, you’ll have Alice. She’ll be safe and you’ll have each other.”

“Aye,” he says, the word thick and burning.

“Then that’s all that matters,” she says, pressing her lips to his shoulder. He nods. She’s right, he knows she’s right. But he can’t shake the feeling that doing this means he’s somehow absolving himself of all wrongdoings, forgiving himself for wrongs he’s done with no consequence.

“Dad?” comes a small voice from the other side of the door. Both of them turn to see the little girl peeking in, hovering at the entrance.

“Aye, starfish, what is it? Come in.”

“I had a bad dream,” she tells him, coming to stand at the edge of the bed. He’d expected as much after the day they’ve had. He hoists her up onto his lap, giving her a hug and rubbing her back softly.

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

She shakes her head. “Can I sleep here?”

“Of course,” he says, catching Swan’s eye over her head. She nods and Alice climbs into the middle of the bed, leaving them to settle in on either side of her.

“Will you tell me a story?” she asks and Killian hums, stroking her back in the way he knows will send her to sleep before he’s halfway through any tale.

“What do you want to hear?”

“The one about the fisherman and the selkie,” she says and he pauses, looking up at Swan and seeing the shadow that falls over her face.

“Alright,” he agrees. “But you know it’s only a story, right, love? It’s make-believe.”

“Sure, Dad,” she mumbles, already half asleep and he feels a pang in his chest, knowing she doesn’t believe him.

Swan’s gaze is distant as he begins. “Once upon a time…”

***

At some point in the telling of his story, Killian falls asleep, lulled by Alice’s steady, even breathing and the exhaustion of the day. Swan had listened as he’d woven the tale, head resting on her pillow, watching the two of them carefully, a soft sadness in her eyes. As his eyes grew heavy he’d done his best to hold her gaze, reaching for her hand across the sleeping child between them.

“I love you,” he’d mouthed in the quiet of the room. She’d pulled his hand to her lips, kissed the heart line that creased his palm and settled into the pillow, tracing her fingers along the groove. She’d still been stroking his hand, still been watching him with that soft, pained expression when he’d yielded to sleep.

He wakes suddenly, breath catching in his throat, having dreamt of drowning and selkies and monsters. He looks down at Alice, snoring softly beside him, and then towards his outstretched hand, looking for Swan. But the bed is empty. He sits up. On the pillow where her head had lain, is Liam’s ring.

***

@kmomof4 @elizabeethan @the-darkdragonfly @xhookswenchx @undercaffinatednightmare @jennjenn615 @dramioneswan @gingerchangeling @gingerpolyglot @batana54 @lfh1226-linda @csalltheway @xsajx @xarandomdream @onceratheart18 @ownedbycaptainswan @teamhook @pirateprincessofpizza @lostintheskyfaraway @zaharadessert @thejollyroger-writer @ultraluckycatnd @justanother-unluckysoul @jonesfandomfanatic @bdeveraux @jrob64 @klynn-stormz @wefoundloveunderthelight @sailtoafarawayland @tiganasummertree @winterbaby89 @hollyethecurious @stahlop @superchocovian @itsfabianadocarmo @snowbellewells @xellewoods @sals86 @karlyfr13s

#she came from the water #captain swan #cs fanfic #cs au #csmm #cs angst #cs smut #im gonna go hide.

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dhiraj-choudhary-09 · 6 months ago

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youtube

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nekowriteshaikyuu · 5 years ago

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Touch starved

its not fair they can feel your touch but i can’t

pairing : sakusa x reader

warnings : fluff, manga spoilers (for those who have not read it)

Summary : though he knows you respect him for his lack of affection, he can’t help but get jealous how you mingle around atsumu

a/n : hello anon ! im so sorry for the late respond, but i hope this is good enough :)) hope you enjoy !!

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ sakusa kiyoomi ♥

being with your lovely sakusa of 3 years, you’ve already gotten used to the lack of affection in your relationship because of his fear with germs. you’re one to enjoy a lot of hugs and cuddles but you’ve endured it to respect sakusa’s issue he’s facing and he is very much appreciated that you did. he does feel slightly guilty for not showering you with love but the best he could give was ‘take care’ or ‘stay safe’ messages which still manage to make your heart skip a beat.

it was practice for the msby black jackals team and you were there to give some moral support to your boyfriend whilst killing time. you mingled around the area, admiring the lights reflecting from the floor and the net set up high and above your height. you picked up a ball from the basket, and in an attempt to follow sakusa’s movements like you saw on tv, you hit the ball across the net only to feel a stinging pain in your wrist.

“looks like someone’s trying to impress their boyfriend~” you heard someone cooed from behind. turning around, you spotted atsumu, taking off his jacket and plopping it to the bench with his bag beside it. he made his way to you, stretching his arms and cracking his knuckles.

“atsumu ! could you teach me some volleyball tricks ? i’m kinda rusty in it.” you begged, intertwining both your hands together. you heard the door bust open again, and there walked in bokuto and hinata, their loud voices echoing the whole gymnasium.

“oh! y/n, you’re here !!” hinata jumps as he spotted you from his area. he and bokuto quickly set his things down before running up to you, joining in the commotion you had with atsumu. there, you asked the three of them to teach you some volleyball tricks. they happily agreed, snatching the ball from you and running into position. Atsumu was beside to guide you throughout while hinata and bokuto were on the other side of the net.

the four of you began to play, you hitting the volleyball across the net, only for hinata to move quickly to pick the ball right back into the air. you had so much fun, partnering with atsumu who there guiding and saving the ball for you. you were so engrossed in the game you didn’t notice sakusa walking in the gym. he didn’t take much notice either until he heard your giggle echoed in every corner of the gym. he looked up, only to see you passing the ball to atsumu, before him slamming it down to the ground in bokuto and hinata’s side. you both cheered, high-fiving each other.

sakusa couldn’t peel his eyes away from you all of a sudden. he felt anger boiling up in his body. what is this? he just stood there quietly, observing every move, every interaction you had with atsumu. the feeling inside him just gets worse and worse. is this..what you call jealousy? no, it can’t be. what for is he jealous? it wasn’t really obvious until what he saw widened his eyes.

from where you were,vatsumu was lifting you up, twirling you around in his grip as you giggle wholeheartedly, your smile bigger than ever. when he put you down, he hanged his arm around your shoulder, his laughs overlapping yours. sakusa flinched slightly from the sight. he felt unfair. despite you being with him, why is atsumu getting to feel your touch more than him ? it was pretty obvious he was jealous. he scoffed under his breath, peeling his mask off his face, keeping it in the zip lock bag. he pulled out his towel, his grip tightening up as he attempt to get rid of the thought away from his head. he can’t get over it. he wants your touch too. he wants to be able to twirl you around like how atsumu did, hearing your laugh emitting in the air. he wants to hug you, his body pressing against yours. he wants it everything, all to himself.

it wasn’t long before you spot your boyfriend from afar. you broke the contact with atsumu, running to your boyfriend before greeting him with a big smile.

“oomi-kun !” you greeted, keeping a slight distance away from him. he noticed it, which in usual he wouldn’t mind but at that time he was upset. no, come closer. everytime he takes a step forward, you took a step back, still keeping a distance from him. closer. he tried to reach out to you, only for you to dodge it away. out of jealousy, he quickly grabbed your arm, pulling you closer to him, both your noses touching. you weeped from his sudden action, his eyes staring deep into yours. you tried to pull away to avoid making sakusa uncomfortable but to no avail.

“sorry oomi-kun, i think i’m too close-”

“why are you not hugging me ?” he caught you off guard. hug..him? you tilt your head slightly, unable to process the situation. you let out an quiet giggle, pairing with an awkward smile.

“but i thought you don’t like me being too clo-” he didn’t give you another second to finish your sentence before you felt his arms wrapping around your waist, his head resting on your shoulder. your heart was racing. after 3 years of dating, it was the very first time sakusa was touch starved. you had shown a few signs throughout your relationship, sometimes attempting to wrap your hands around his arm, only for him to pull away and pocketing his hands. but it was a surprise for him to suddenly make the first step to come closer and hug you.

you stood there, not uttering a word before loosening up your tensed body, stroking his soft curled hair. you felt a sigh leaving from sakusa’s mouth, before him rubbing his head deeper in the crook of your neck, his fingers digging into your waist.

“awee, looks like our dear oomi-oomi is touch starved~” atsumu teased from behind, curling his fingers to form a heart. sakusa raised up his head, before pulling you close to his chest. he glared down to atsumu, who was now being regretting all life choices.

“don’t you ever, ever,,touch y/n again.” sakusa hold you close to him, his hand on your head while the other resting on your waist. atsumu only let out a sloppy smile before slowly nodding, whistling as he slowly walk away from the both of you to continue practicing alone as if nothing happend

sakusa let go of his grip from you, and you felt your cheeks warmed up after being so close to his chest. you covered them with your hands, only for him to grab your wrists and take it off . he began planting kisses in both your red cheeks then to the tip of your nose, still keeping a straight face on.

“don’t hug anyone anymore..but me” you were fast to react before wrapping your arms back to sakusa, giggling away as he smiles and caress your hair. atsumu only watched from afar, shaking his head on how sakusa was slow to open up to you.

“bokuto-san...what’s..touch-starve?” hinata poked bokuto’s tough biceps, his eyes never left the whole scene that happend infront of them.

“i’m guessing they get hungry if they touch...” bokuto replied, clearly as clueless as hinata was.

------𝕤𝕒𝕜𝕦𝕤𝕒 𝕜𝕚𝕪𝕠𝕠𝕞𝕚------

a/n : finally i have a week break from school T^T. but right after it ends, its all exams hhhh the month is going wayy to fast help. hope this was okay anon !! honestly it was such a cute request, didn’t even thought of this. X33

#haikyuu!!#haikyu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #msby black jackal #msby sakusa #sakusa x reader #sakusa imagines #sakusa scenarios #hq sakusa #sakusa x you #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #hq kiyoomi #kiyoomi x reader #sakusa kiyoomi #kiyoomi sakusa x reader

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svtegg · 6 years ago

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howgarts!svt (maknae line)

finally got around to finishing this series!!! after 84 years! hope u harry potter fans enjoy this bc i do everything 4 you guys hehehe ilu

Seungkwan:

Hufflepuff, but it took our dear old sorting hat a couple minutes…in the end Seungkwan asked for Hufflepuff because he thought some of the students on the slytherin table looked scary

Ironically enough, those students became some of his best friends later

He’s from a family of different houses so he didn’t really have any pressure to be sorted into the right house

Loves being a Hufflepuff because no one expects him when he jinxes the rugs in the third-floor classroom to fly around like owls

Has a secret talent, or more like a skill…… He can communicate with animals…he doesn’t tell anyone for like three years after he finds out

Loves Care of Magical Creatures, is in love with the Occamy hatchlings from one of Hagrid lessons and often visits his hut to check up on them

Drags Soonyoung or Seokmin with him into the forbidden forest on a weekly basis…..to see the Peruvian Vipertooth that Hagrid had raised….his name is Diggory

Seungkwan also excels at Charms, being a keen jinxer and a quick-witted wizard who can easily think his way out of sticky situations

Perfected 5th year level spells in his third year, without the Charms professor knowing

Seungkwan is a lot smarter than people give him credit for, once managed to distract an agitated Abraxan that had hurt its wing and had to land in the courtyard

All of the students outside started panicking as the huge horse galloped around the grounds in panic but not Seungkwan!

He jumped right into action and managed to conjure some reigns on the Abraxan, calming it with a somewhat weak but still impressive bewitched sleep

He has an owl named Bubo, she’s a Eurasian Eagle Owl and she’s Seungkwan’s biggest pride

Seungkwan is probably the friendliest student at Hogwarts, knowing everyone and often having to run to his lectures because he got stopped in the corridor by someone he knew

Often hangs out in the great hall with some of the guys from his group to watch them duel in Wizarding Chess

He’s the speaker/commentator for Quidditch games and often sings during the breaks

His wand is a caramel Applewood, straight with a amethyst dotted handle. Unicorn hair core, 7 inches, stout and rounded tip

Seungkwan’s patronus is a fox

Vernon:

Vernon is a muggle-born Hufflepuff

A quiet and peaceful soul that just tries his best at everything

Vernon is wise beyond his years and often says something that stops his older mates in their tracks

Then two seconds later he snort laughs at Soonyoungs fart joke and its like he never even said that super philosophical thing anyway

Vernon is very interested in Astronomy and is also developing a favor for potions, Mingyu pomised to help him study so that helped spark his interest a little

He is sowly becoming the Charms professors favorite student due to his fast progress in the subject, the teacher said that Vernon could become a good duelist if he practiced his defense against the dark arts spells a little more

But Vernon is a pacifist and would rather spend his days watching Joshua feed mandrakes, laughing at Seokmin losing in Wizards Chess or help Mingyu collect wolfsbane for his extra credit potion

Vernon becomes somewhat of a favorite in the Hufflepuff dungeon, because he’s one of the few people that acknowledge the house elfs that are working away in the ajar kitchen

The Hufflepuff Quidditch team are trying to scout him as their seeker because he’s one of the few people that can actually see the snitch

One time he caught the snitch from the audience, Seungkwan screaming at him over the speakers to let it go

But the snitch had already retracted its wings and Hufflepuff won the game

Vernon still declined the position, saying he didn’t want to take it from the current seeker

But the current seeker was threatening to quit if Vernon didn’t say yes

Vernon said he’d think about it

Like Seungkwan, his roommate, Vernon owns an owl.

His is a lot smaller than Seungkwans, a tiny Ural Owl named Melody

His wand is of Rowan, light wood with bark details twirling around the wand. Flexible, 9 inches with Dragon heart string core from an Ukrainian Ironbelly

Patronus is a Doe

Dino:

Ravenclaw……….One wouldn’t think so at first sight,,,

He isn’t outstanding in his class…a typical second best

But get this…

He skipped his entire first year because he had prepared so much for school start that he’d already taught himself the entire first year curriculum…..so he got bumped up

So now he’s in class with Vernon and Seungkwan….and they never let him be

Always babying him and making sure he’s okay

Chan is very well liked by the teachers, they’re all impressed by his extreme work ethic and drive…what a good student… He’s always on time, always sits up front, notebook ready

But he’s also a little rascal…..often helping Minghao and Jihoon place tricks and jinxes to get back at Joshua, Jeonghan or Seungkwan…..hehe

His favorite subject it Defense Against The Dark Arts, Charms and Transfiguration

He studies very very hard bc he wants to become an Auror

Like his mom

All his friends make sure he’s well studied, well rested and prepared for his exams drilling his knowledge at the breakfast table as one of them shoves a bagel down his throat and another prepares a cup of tea for him

Chan is a powerful wizard as well, he isn’t as powerful as Joshua or as quick thinking as Seungkwan but he definitively has the broadest spectrum of spells, charms, jinxes and hexes memorized

He literally has a spell for any situation, even if its not useful

Becomes kind of insecure when his friends aren’t there to back him up and sees his friends as his security net and would do anything for them

Managed to distract the headmaster while Jeonghan snuck back into detention after escaping to go to Hogsmeade with Seokmin, Wonu and Jihoon

He plays for the quidditch team as well….he’s a beater and often impresses the instructor with his impeccable flying skills

Wants to become Captain one day but so far he has to accept the fact that he’s still a newbie

Has a rat and an owl, oops broke the rules oh nooo

Chan got his rat from the same person Joshua got Grover, theyre siblings u see

The rat is a smart little silver girl named Brie n she picks locks for a living

She lives in Chans sock drawer

Chan also has a tawny owl that isn’t very friendly, its name is Donald

His wand is grey toned Ashwood with a sleek two tone finish that gradiates along the handle. Unicorn hair core, 11.3 inches.

Chan’s patronus is a honey badger, tiny in size but incredibly strong and fearless and not afraid to face even the worst of predators

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dailybayonet · 5 years ago

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dinabija · 5 years ago

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sacasino

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Bradley Baker, ASA, and daniel Lee, who hopes earn his ASA designation shortly. They were interviewed by claude Penland. Why did you choose to be an actuary? Similar to actuaries, we were drawn by a passion for mathematics and statistics. Being an actuary is a way to place our abilities to work solving issues that are challenging and intriguing. How does what you do now fit in to what you do\/did as an actuary? Prior to joining the gambling world, we were both retirement actuaries at a large consulting firm. There is a large amount of overlap and in the job we do as gambling actuaries.

For one, a lot apply to supporting and construction a game's mathematics models. From a test standpoint, pension actuaries will find while gambling actuaries will discover Exam C to be of importance, that life contingencies are present in their work. What did you learn since an actuary which may assist you? Importantly, the examinations supplied us to construct and validate the models behind our games. The upper level actuarial examinations place an essential focus on using reliable data and setting reasonable and appropriate assumptions, that has proved very useful in our work as gaming actuaries. The actuarial control cycle which actuaries are introduced to in your Fundamentals of Actuarial Practice modules provides an ideal frame for the models that we make for our games.

The rigor that's expected in traditional actuarial job also is required in the gambling sphere. The work of pension actuaries frequently is subject for review by a regulator, and your same holds true for the job we do in gambling. What mathematical studies at college do you recommend to those who wants for get into what you perform or other nontraditional outlets? In our opinion, studying actuarial science will prepare you well to a career as a gambling actuary. Take as many math, probability, statistics, and programming classes as you can. Some classes at corporate finance and economics also will be useful.

What're your plans for the future? There are few actuaries at this space, and we hope for have a long career as gambling actuaries. As the industry evolves, there's an expectation that games will become increasingly more complicated. New slot machine games are starting for incorporate elements of skill that require well thought out hypotheses and stochastic modeling. The mathematical models supporting games are getting increasingly more challenging to solve. Eventually, we hope to be pioneering a brand new field for the actuarial profession. Please take me through a number of real life scenarioschallenging gambling related to things which you and Bradley had to work through. Our day-to day job requires us to construct mathematical models for a specific electronic or lottery match based online a concept approved by our Creative Committee and also to monitor actual results collected from your field that we use for validate our models.

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tribes09-blog · 6 years ago

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UPCAT Personal Experience

I have first tip to spill: BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

—2019 UPCAT taker

A lot of students think that this test is not suitable for no- brainer or plain average students, but nope.

You first have to believe in yourself that you can get it.No matter how many people out there are smarter than you and have better educational background than you, it doesn’t matter. In this game, you need to play wise.

Determination is the key to success. Me, personally, I dreamt of getting into this school even when I was only little. I told myself that maybe I didn’t go to prestigious elementary or secondary schools, but when I get to college, I will enter UP.

Preparations

Inspiring notebook. I hate writing in an ugly pad and I only use GTECT 0.4 because it inspired me to write my notes (and it looks neat).

Highlighters. You know the use. But to me, I had different colors for a main heading, sub heading, the definition of the subheading ( I know right, I really am particular to this.)

Sticky Notes. I often list formulas and attach it on my reviewer for easy lookup. And when I still didn’t understand certain lesson enough and decided to skip on it, I write it on my small sticky notes and I pasted it on the wall adjacent to my desk.

Index cards. I carried my index cards to school so I wouldn’t have to bring the whole reviewer (It was thick and heavy). These cards contained summary of formulas, topics, important person I needed to remember, sample math problems I tried to practice and etc. I punched hole on the upper left part of the index card and put them together with yarn or you can use metal ring.

UPCAT Apps.Available on Google Play Store!

Water. I always bring my tumbler to my desk because it helps me to refresh myself, like my head is lightheaded and everything; water keeps me cool and less sleepy.

Prayers.I pray before starting to review, god knows how much I prayed to him those times. I am so thankful up until now.

My Review Materials

I signed up to an online review. It was a premium membership from Review Master and got the soft copy editions of the reviewers in their portal which I downloaded and printed out. Together with those reviewers were Youtube videos on each topic. Like Subject: Math > Lesson 1: Basic Arithmetic ( they have like a maximum of 10 lesson on each subject) > Chapter 1 (up to 10).

I don’t know if you clearly understand me but each chapter had a Youtube video which was helpful and easy to understans. I used to download the playlist and watched them in the classroom (but I barely reviewed at school, it didn’t work for me, I always liked the home- feeling- review).

And I had this reviewer from well-known review center (I can’t tell you where it came from, my cousin might get sued for unauthorized distribution.) It was really a lot of help. I suggest you enter these kinds of review centers if you think your reviewer or your self- review process isn’t working.

My Reviewing Process (not so productive self- review)

I started reviewing in June, which was a hassle because I had classes to attend to. It was a lot harder when you had Accounting on your back. Not to mention Research!

Time Management of course, no surprise there, but if you have full classes and so much projects to do, it is a dead end. But I tried to trick my brain, my phone wallpaper that time was a screenshot of vocabulary words that each time I open my phone there were words I learned or somewhat, unconsciously learned. I even read books or novels (it was in .epub form so I could always read anywhere-- this was the thing I usually do at school during vacant time) that was so hard to read, I could cry! like the giant man who floated into an island with tiny people-- I forgot it's title.

So every Wednesday, we only had one subject, I didn’t go to school for this one subject (Accounting, I had low grade here ha! I am a bad student, I really don’t give so much f*ck about my acads, I only needed to pass UPCAT— that was right there a very clear determination, but I won’t suggest it).

Or if I had full day of class, when I got home I changed my clothes (always the comfortable ones) and headed directly on my study. I only stop when dinner is served, then got back again, I always finished at ten pm. I valued every sleep I could get but sometimes I couldn’t stop surfing the internet till like 12 am (not really recommended). And on Saturdays and Sundays, it was all review time!

You might find this process really hard, but I was anxious to finish all the chapters and I was always behind my schedule. Like this math part should only take three days so I would have enough time for other subjects, but it didn’t happen!

Now I am not suggesting you should review like I did, but you should find out what time suits you best on studying. I read it all over the net (when I was reviewing, I read a lot of reviewing hacks; I was a big google searcher!).

Examination Day

Pray

Breakfast

You better had nice long sleep before this day

Bring the prescribed pencil (Monggol 2)

Eraser (the rubber on the tip of the pencil is better, its way faster to erase)

Water (important)

Candy (I didn’t know why, but I became self conscious in that testing room, I couldn’t move or what I just ate candy during exam then the skyflakes after the exam).

Dry snack (You won’t like to wet your test paper or answer sheet).

During the exam I found the math the hardest, reading comprehension the easiest (I had a lot of spare time here).

So, should you skip questions that you don’t know or do eenie-meenie?

I never left anything unanswered even in math which like three fourth of that exam, I was answering blindingly.

Reason: Don’t answer then you are automatic 0, I know you are being wise 25% of mistakes will be deducted in your whole score. But consider this sample:

You have ten items you don’t know. If you try to just shade it and make three guesses right at the very least, you made have seven mistakes (7 mistakes multiplied to .025 is equal to 1.75. Three right guesses minus 1.75 (0.25 part of your mistake) = 1.25 which is better than getting 0 out of 10 items.

If you aren’t confident on math, don’t fall asleep at reading comprehension and try to answer it at your best. I think this part saved me.

After Exam

I could breathe again. No reviewwwwwwww. I just pray and pray even if I was hell anxious. I tried to apply for other campus in our local area, but I wasn’t sp hyped about it and I didn’t really want to. I let the days passed by until the application days were gone and my sister won’t be able to scold me for not applying anywhere. And I keep my faith on UPCAT. I was crazy technically; I just took only one exam. I chanted to myself “God is good” every time I doubt I could get in.

When the results were proclaimed to be out, posted in UP Diliman Campus, there were people who took pictures of the list on the campus and shared it in Facebook, I kept trying to read the posted pictures (all blurred and hard to read because that time, the online results weren’t posted yet. But I couldn’t wait anymore. My eyes were squinting on the screen of laptop, and then I saw my name, I cried. And was so frustrated to myself, I mean I was aiming for UP Diliman, but got in UP Baguio, then I thought (why the f am I crying, I still got it in out of nearly one hundred thousand participants, I had no right to cry. So I just thank God!).

I’ll tell you my motivation: I watched sport news about Philippine Campuses including UP of course, there was Robi Domingo and Gretchen IDK talking and talking about how great that school was. I even saved it in my YT playlist. After watching it and pep talking myself why I should review, why I shouldn’t let my lazy self win, I started grabbing my pen again.

Note:

I only put UP Baguio in my second choice of campus to save my ass if I couldn’t pass to main campus. The different campuses have different grade requirement. UPD I think is around 2.2 while UPB is 2.5 (I am not sure, you should check this out in main UP website to learn the ropes).

P.S.

I think this blog is badly written. But I thought I should try to help out. I know what you need, real time confessions of this very mean college exam haha.

Comment down if you have more questions. I will be very much happy to help.

#up #university of the philipine #upcat #up diliman #hack #tips #reviewers

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